Thursday, May 26, 2011

Unanswered Prayers...

I don't suffer from ADD... not at all. *cough cough* I'm sitting here writing this post while flipping back and forth on my browser between this post, other blogs, and The Biggest Loser finale that didn't air here in DFW due to some crazy tornadic weather on Tuesday night. And my son is kicking so hard my belly is literally moving the laptop. That doesn't make it hard to focus... So please, bear with me here! :)

It's been a little over a week since I posted about my job situation, so I figured I would update everyone. I did end up going to my principal about the possible position opening. Long story short, the position was filled from someone outside our district. That left me with a lot of unanswered questions (as well as some hurt feelings that I wasn't even considered and I knew my principal knew that I wanted to stay at my school when I have so much other things going on), but honestly, the more I talked about it with my husband, my family, and my friends... the more I realized that God truly has complete control over this situation. While I'm going to miss my kids and the family I've made at this school, there is clearly a reason that I'm being removed from this particular placement. I've stopped pursuing answers, because honestly I don't think I'd be happy with what I'd find and it wouldn't solve a thing, so I'm moving forward in the best way that I know how. I truly want to thank those of you that reached out to me about my previous post through either comments or e-mail - it's incredibly humbling to have people who don't even know you send such encouraging words. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

There are only 6 days of school left, 5 with kids (we are working Memorial Day due to freak snow days!) and then a whole chapter of my life is closing. We are moving homes, we will have a baby by the end of the summer, and I'm starting over in a completely new school. While this is completely and utterly overwhelming (especially since I'm not one who does well with change), I know that it's all in the works for a reason, and for now, only He knows why. Nothing about the timing of any of this is ideal, but how often are changes in our lives considered "good timing"?

I'm already beginning to see various good reasons why all of this change could potential be a great thing. Obviously I'm not a psychic and the things I'm focusing on might not be the true good that's going to come out of all these situations in the end... but it sure helps to fine tune that focus into something positive when there's so much going on! I've had a team member on my new 3rd grade team reach out to me, and the more I talk to her the more I realize that my quiet utterances to myself and the things I wished for in a job might very possibly be at this school. I'm blessed to only be teaching ELAR (reading, word study, writing) and social studies at this new school... so my workload feels like it's been lightened considerably. While ELAR has always been what I've planned, I was always pulling things for the other subjects to fit my classroom and teaching style - and we all know how amazingly overwhelming that can be. I'm excited to really know my content area going on and know that my focus is going to be on what I'm best at, especially after returning from maternity leave. Yet another example that apparently, God really does know what he's doing. ;) It might not be the way that I wanted it to happen or on my timeline, but hey, it's not changing!

I prayed (selfishly, very very selfishly) to not have a summer baby, stay in the home we are now, to stay at the school I'm at now, and to keep things the way they've been - mostly for comfort, and mostly because I absolutely hate change. None of those prayers were answered, but I have to say that I'm thanking God right now for new opportunities and for not answering those prayers. *I may not have wanted a summer baby, but I'm so glad Liam didn't end up a Spring baby or we'd be dealing with all this madness with an infant! No, it's not ideal pregnant, but at least we can pick and move and deal with all of this accordingly without it affecting him as significantly. *This may be the home we came home to after our "official" engagement (my husband couldn't afford a ring for me until 2 months before our wedding, so we were "officially" engaged for a very short time, haha!), planted palm trees in the backyard that we bought on our honeymoon, had a whole lot of firsts in... but it's never been "ours" and there's always been things looming over our head. We are getting a completely fresh start and a whole new slew of firsts. :) We can buy new palm trees when we take a vacation after (possibly before, but more than likely after...) Liam makes his appearance, we will finish off the second half of our first decade of marriage in a home that's 100% ours, and any mistakes made in this home with be all ours, no one else's. *And while I diligently prayed to stay at my school because I didn't want to leave my kids, I already knew the staff, and I wouldn't have to worry about setting up my room (which I do still worry about although I know it will be taken care of somehow someway...) I wasn't thinking about whether or not I was being nurtured as a professional educator, whether this was the best place for me to be a new mom, or anything else for that matter. Yes, there are different (much different) expectations at my new school - but I feel like I will completely rise to the challenges. I'll be in a staff where there are more people my age and with children, and I'll get a whole new opportunity to meet a new group of people that fit with this next chapter in my life. Most of the people at my old school have already done it and aren't currently going through it...

Yes, like Garth Brooks, I thank God for unanswered prayers.


  1. I always think of this quote when things are not going how I planned in my life, or how I wanted them too!

    "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

    I feel that all of these unplanned events in our life, even when its just thrown in our faces, help us become a better person in the years to come. I always like to think back on all the great and not so things that have happened to me, that were not planned during times when I am feeling stressed about changes. It helps me realize that even if they were negative or positive, they all impacted my life or changed me into a better person. I can't say I dislike changes, yet I get nervous.

    Wishing you the best! Someone knows exactly what path you and your family should be just have to follow!